A Post from My First Blog (2008)

Light

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Dad(from downstairs) : Bhaawanaaa
Me ( sleeping in bed upstairs ) :Hunji
Dad : zara aaiyo neeche
Me : bolo
Dad: aa naa
[I don't remember walking, but standing on the stairs]
Dad: kitni daer hui hai uthe hue?
Me : do minute bhi nahi hue :'(
Dad : achcha thodi der beth ja, metro tak drop kar de

Me Thinking.....
* aaahhhh nooo uhan uhan, i wanna sleep, oh it was soo sweet, this is not fair, and there is no way I am saying no, he should have woken me up earlier..aaaaaaaahhh this is not done...why aaa I wanaa sleep, oh no, gotta wash my face , no please say no)

Next I sit behind my dad on the activa, its 10 :30 am, and am still sleepy, covering a distance 1.2 km I wish I can right down, how I felt...Oh man this is tough-

It was so comfortable, the most beautiful sunshinesss ever everywhere around me , it was so beautiful, keeping my eyes half open i was sitting behind dad, through some gullies, one flyover- I wanted it to last forever..and forever it was , one of the most beautiful impressions ever, I don't know what it was, was I dreaming, was I awake, and the beautiful, yellow, orange , pink, blue rainbow coloured sunlight around ,on my skin was so comforting, It was so amazing,
And there I was sitting behind him, feeling most loved and in total surrender and a feeling of being taken care of , being surrounded by love in every ray of the sunlight,
I could feel it and I was very relaxed and thankful at that time as well..
It was just amazing!
Too good for words
Then when the destination came he got down and handed me over the helmet to put on and ride back home,
and I just made sure : "dad sub kuch le liya na" and he said "haan haan" (in his most handsome style)
It was pure bliss. I was not overwhelmed.
and then I rode back home ...
(Another awesomely awesome experience that I am thankful for every time- I love riding my scooty,
I love driving too, but only when it rains...
But riding, rains or storms is just too good for words. Awesome.)

Anyways so came back home and mom said it just took me 7 minutes..
And I thought...so that's how long eternity is !!!

The day was spent studying with total focus. In the evening I took mom to savita vihar market, we had dal ke ladoo(aiyoo yummy) and tea !
Dad came at 9. Sent him to get ice cream. It was OK , just finished it :)
Hehe and then told dad that we had tea in that market
and he smiled a little and said "bhawana pagal hai tu, kahan beth k khaya tha, aur chai kahan pi, jagah hai wahan, sadak pe toh hai market..."
hehehehe and I loved it [khe khe khe]

I derive some pleasure when he gets irritated at small small things, [photography, coming home late, taking Nizamuddin bridge instead of ITO, giving him flowers, partying, studying too much, getting lost, giving him lectures and gyaan, complaining about him to chacha chachi and amma ji] when actually they somewhere make him proud and remind him that I am his daughter.
Awaara at Heart.


Then at night at 10.30 sakshi called and I reminded her that it was Purnima today, meaning we could do the full moon meditation . I was to do it at 9 but somehow forgot!(ThankGod)
So now again,
what happens.... we chatted as usual for an hour, and at 11.30 I went to the balcony outside hoping to get a glimpse from here and

Lo!
what do I behold -

the moon in all its glory right on top of my head, and the moonlight...ah don't ask , It was awesome , it lit up the whole neighborhood and our balcony looked heavenly and the beautiful grand Neem tree facing me awh It was just awesome, the light , ah it can't be explained, I wanted to take a true true picture of the beauty but didn't, wouldn't have done justice.
The moonlight was very strong and when I opened my eyes It was just toooo cooool (Oh how I wish to paint the scene)

Ah I feel sooo sooo soooo blessed, to be experiencing such beauty and richness of just being.

Jai Gurudeva
Love
bhawa

MIND:THE GENIE IN THE LAMP

 There once was a very poor man, who woke up hungry with only 1 rupee left in his pocket.He decides to go to the market and see if his rupee can buy him some left over fruit.At the market he meets a fancy clothed man behind a table with a beautiful oil lamp on it, and a sign that reads "1 rupee".The poor man can't believe his eyes, and asks the man what the catch is.It's true, the lamp only costs 1 rupee, the man says.And he explains that in the lamp there lives a genie, who fulfills all your desires."Then why do you sell it?", the poor man wants to know."Well, the genie is always active and rather impatient", it is explained. "And if you don't pay attention to him, he'll start taking things away again"."Well OK", the poor man says. "Since I don't have much to lose I will buy it from you".When he arrives back home, he rubs the lamp and the genie appears. "How can I serve you, master?", he asks."Prepare me a meal worthy of a king", the poor man commands.Within a second the genie serves an opulous meal with 87 courses.The poor man is delighted, but when he wants to start eating, the genie asks again - "And how can I serve you master?"Keeping in mind that the genie can also take away all the goodies, the poor man commands: "Build me a beautiful castle, suitable for a maharadja!"Only a few seconds pass by, and the man now finds himself in a beautiful palace. He likes to explore it, but there comes the genie again, asking "How can I serve you, master?"Every wish is immediately fulfilled, and when ignored, the genie takes away everything.



The poor man is annoyed and goes to the village sage, where he explains his problem.After a silent conversation, the poor man steps to the genie and says: 'Genie, build me a large pole and stick it in the ground".The genie immediately builds a pole and sticks it in the ground."Now genie, I want you to climb up and down the pole, over and over again".The genie starts climbing right away.And now the man has time to eat his meal, explore his palace and do other things.When he and the sage go to see what the genie is doing, they see that he has fallen asleep next to the pole."And so it is with the thinking genie of every man", explains the sage. "It is restless in its desire to satisfy every desire, and fragments our being.The pole is a tool called a 'mantra'.By repeating it over and over again, our restless mind is kept busy until it gets so bored that it falls asleep.And this way our true self can enjoy the world."



Lesson : you are more than your mind - don't worry and enjoy your self.

Mere Mehboob Chal.. aur kahin...:)

I love myself just the way I am

“Lucky Ali- the man within us all” this was the name of a community long back on facebook. I liked it, loved the title, “offcourse! Lucky is the one within us” all I knew, I was surprised beyond words to know that people , ones who named the community and others in general would also feel like that! They had put it so clearly, so perfectly. Cannot praise them enough!

Now, back to me and my beliefs about me- I am very raw, very real, very honest, true to the core, extremely lazy, zero motivated, nothing works for me, nothing inspires me, I don’t make friends, I am least bothered about the world, my heart bleeds at the suffering of humanity, whatever kind that may be. Sometimes very intensely. I rejoice at the sight of clouds, clear sky, rain, music, smell of wet earth, I want to live in harmony with nature, I communicate with trees, I weep with love looking at puppies and babies and other young ones, I have awkward social graces and I find that cute, I like being with my family. I celebrate silence and noise. I am shy. I am intelligent. I can understand and empathize easily. I get scared very easily. I like staring at beautiful people. I want to be a hairstylist and end the terror of split ends from the face of this earth. I find meaning in looking into other people’s eyes. I cannot stand politics to the extent that I have closed my eyes to a possibility of anyone ever being involved in politics. I sometimes feel I should learn to be a little tactful and the next moment the being smiles “forget it” this is not you. You be a fool, but just be, just know that you will always be loved. Move on. I have immense wealth, I cannot bargain. I do not judge- to each his own. I want to remain beautiful forever. You have to , absolutely have to be the best to access any permanent room in my thoughts. I think very highly of myself, most of the time I have nothing to say. Most human emotions do not bother me. I do not know how to ask for things, or get work done, everything is given to me on a silver platter,  I have never worked hard enough for anything because I have never felt anything is worth it or maybe I have not seen the work as “hard” since I must have enjoyed it.

Tough love is not for me. I have tried it. My kind is purely pure pure indulgent utterly sweet and pampering love and that is all I want to be surrounded by, rejecting everything else. No harsh word I will take, will beat myself up NEVER, it does not matter. Anyways I have no ambition in life. Life can go on any which way it wants but I allow no more suffering, its just not worth it. Its unacceptably stupid. I am at peace.

I am that innocence, that purity, that divinity within us all- and that is what I will like to be remembered as…

|| Jai Guru Dev ||

The Purple Bag

These words wanted to be  recorded for the sake of posterity and love :)


"Where is my pendrive? I cannot possible have lost it, since I am being pretty careful with stuff and esp. this pendrive with which I have attached an expensive "B" key chain."

And so my search began, it had been over 2 months that I was aware it was missing.

"Hmm, what about that purple bag, it could be there tucked away safely in one of its side pockets". Eureka! now I knew I should find it here...Yes! I hunted the bag out of the almirah (ignoring the other stuff, that toppled over me), felt the side pockets and there..it definitely had to have atleast one pendrive out of all the stuff I could feel...
It did not
 
but this is what it had -

A few regular medicines .

Now this is where I am not sure how to continue this post! (yes, exams are easier :)

So...Aadi had gone for a weekend trip with college to jaipur and she had taken this bag. I was at her place when she was packing and all. And I loved listening to the sweet little advices for her. Chacha - "arre purri aalo le jaa, mazze aate hain khaane mein sab ke saath" Chachi- "achcha sandwichs bana du?"

And as a side note I would add- I like to make her conscious of how illegally beautiful she is, I like to call her "bebo" and offcourse when we cousins are out and we wait for her to get ready I like to tease her with stuff of great concern like "eye liner le liya na?" and "oh diti ready ho rahi hai..mein kuch daer aur so jaati hu"

This reminds me she never misses a chance to tease me for having superhuman sleeping abilities..what can I say ? I might never need undereye creams.

End of the digression, now back to the purple bag-

So when I touched those medicines and stuff I felt a surge (yes, thats the word) of Love wash me over!

I sat down and smiled - i knew I had just experienced one of those matchsticks experience- it burns , lights up and you know it will be over before you can admire it fully. Epiphany.

So I let go of it , making way for more such beautiful moments

Thats it I know no explanation further.

P.S. I got the pendrive in the next bag I looked :)

Exams Over

My exams got over today. Aal Iz Well
Very sleepy.

Good Night

|| Jai Guru Dev ||

Wish You ALL The Faith In The World.

Totally Overwhelmed

Today was a strange day-- surprised out of my beliefs! (always a good thing!)


Its amazing how I usually feel the need pen down my thoughts when I am out of words.
Ah! Clouds and that twilighty beautiful weather, bangalore roads, south indians, the rain, The Ashram- Guruji..., the food, the love, my family.
There is this strong beautiful force finally calling me to itself, to follow it, to follow my dreams, to re-kindle my dreams and not let them die yet...

Oh how it pains right in the heart!
Wish you Love and only Love!

|| Jai Guru Dev ||